Wenche Braatlund Larsen has been afraid of the most — for God, to fly, for serious illness, for the man to die, and for fire. Externally, she lived a normal life, but her anxiety characterized her and ruled her life. It has been a long process to get to where she is today, but now she will convey a hope to others that it is possible to be free.
Text: Grace S. Torsøe Johansen
Photo: Emeline Gulbrandsen
The idea Wenche (51) sits down in front of me, she shows me a drawing. The drawing shows a butterfly that plays the clarinet, and next to the title says, "The larvae are no more".
– Isn't it beautiful? She asks.
– It's me, I'm the butterfly. It was drawn to me a few years ago at one of the women in Network conferences. That weekend I was born out of freedom. Until then, I had felt small and thought I didn't have much to come. I was afraid of what people would think about me. But at this conference I stepped out of the narrow pupa, raised me and turned into a butterfly that played You raise me up on the clarinet. I was free.
Anxiety and depression
Fear is the last thing I think about when I experience Wenche playing clarinet under the praise song. She seems so fearless and present in the worship through the clarinet. She plays freedom into people's lives. But it hasn't always been that way.
Wenche knew the panic anxiety for the first time as a 24-year-old. She had had a good year as a music teacher in Berlevåg in Finnmark, and the night before she would fly home to southern Norway, she felt a panic that experienced paralyzing. She was completely unprepared for the anxiety.
Two years after the first anxiety attack, Wenche was injured in a car accident. She got whiplash, and her life stopped. She had studied music/instrument education for four years at Østlandet Music Conservatory, and at this time she worked at the cultural school in Åmli in Aust-Agder. Suddenly she couldn't play or work anymore. She had a lot of pain, and the jaws were ruined. Wenke got depressed, a little on and on. Three years after the accident, she was 100% disabled.
"It led me into an identity crisis. Who is Wenche when I can't play? I asked myself. Fortunately, I came to think that it keeps being Wenche, created by God.
She eventually got three boys and lived a normal young child's family life, but with great pains and a body that needed her to take into account. She and her family were active in both church life and cultural life in the village where they lived. They were engaged in cooperative courses, Bible groups and family work, and were a resourceful family. At the same time, she experienced increasingly more fears. She was afraid of serious illness, death, accidents and fire, and was generally unsafe. Wenche was temperamental, and the mood was swinging. Fear characterized her without the environment knowing so much. She was good at keeping the mask out. The children wanted them to go to the south, but the flying horror made her talk away from their suggestions.
Got a Living faith
At the same time that the anxiety once in a while bothered her, she went through a spiritual process.
"I was afraid to intercede, but God sent people in my way. At home in the living room there were a few friends who prayed for me, and it led me to start seeking intercessory prayer at meetings. Then I experienced that faith went from being dead to being alive. I knew life inside, and I began to pray and seek God himself.
In a time of new depression, a girlfriend left her on a woman weekend at the direction of women in networking. There were solid teaching and skilled advisers. In a soul conversation, she had to move one step toward inner healing.
"At this point I was uncertain, frightened, had low self-esteem and was cautious and restrained in the face of strong people. But here I experienced to have dignity. Jesus showed me the cause of my problems. I became aware of something in my own heart that I had to grasp. Truth and forgiveness was the medication. The idea I was giving, I was free, she says.
This led Wenche into a closer relationship with Jesus.
"I fastled, sought God with all my heart, decided to follow him, and be obedient. I gave Jesus everything. At this time I experienced being healed in my jaws.
A process against freedom
Wenches ' Way out in freedom from fear was at the same time a way into clarinet play in the presence of the Holy Spirit. At a family camp, Wenche played freely on the clarinet for the very first time.
– I felt God told me to bring my clarinet to the stage. I was still unsure of myself and quarreled with God, but went to the end up. The other musicians started playing a song I couldn't, in a key tone I couldn't play. Still, I played. God gave me the tones. For one year she then sought God. She asked to hear his voice. She thought of the Bible verse "My Sheep hear my voice, I know them, and they follow me." (Jn. 10.27).
– I did not hear the voice of God and was afraid that I was not the sheep of Jesus. At the same time, I was afraid to hear that voice, I was afraid of what God would say to me if I opened up to hear his voice. I was afraid of God. This became a crisis of faith that lasted until she sat at a meeting and heard a quiet, quiet voice saying, "I've seen you." It was so good.
Wenche began to do what God said to her, still with fear. She was desperate that she did not get rid of the fear, but at a camp she received a message that she had to be patient, that God is in control, and that he is working in process. The trek with him, an increasingly profound knowledge of him, would be a process against freedom.
And that's how it was. On several occasions over several years, God showed her the hidden wounds she needed to grasp, as she was ready for it. She worshifed and experienced new inner freedom, a little more for each soul call. She laid down small and large burdens with God. She did her job, and Jesus did his. In addition, she fed herself with Bible verses against fear, with God's promises of freedom. Now, Wenche doesn't look down on himself anymore. For many years she thought that there was much to her that should have been different, but one day she stood in front of the mirror at home in the hallway, she was healed of her poor self-image. In the high song 2.10 It says, "My beloved spoke up and says to me, stand up, my sweetheart, you my beautiful, and come out!". These words suddenly became alive for Wenche. She saw with one a beautiful woman in the mirror. She saw her value as a woman and that she was worth loving.
Lets themselves love
One day, Wenche heard herself saying yes to leading the praise at a conference in northern Norway. She had not flown for 16 years but had had a heart for the entire Norway, and especially the North Norway, and went off in faith that God would protect her and the team. The flight was difficult, with sweat, palpitations and panic, but she had good support next to her and a willingness to manage it. She had to teach her body that it's not dangerous to fly.
Now, Wenche knows herself free and whole, and she has a new confidence in her life.
"I am no longer afraid that my husband will die when he is ill. I regularly travel at various regional conferences in women in networking, and have also been on trips with my family to the south.
Prophecies, visions, and words from God have been of great comfort and help to Wenche during the process. She now recognizes herself fully and safely, and therefore she dares to do what God asks her to do. She wants to travel around, play and call forth other musicians in Norway. When she plays, it becomes a blessing to others. The clarinet is a key that opens up the hearts of many. She can still experience a horror or nervousness that is completely natural, but now she knows who she is in Christ and that Jesus loves her. She knows in her head and deep in her heart. For now she lets herself love, and it makes her brave. She knows that God has a place for her that only she can fill. When she is obedient, Jesus encourages her. Then it's just accepting. For as God has whispered to her: he will help her and give her what she needs there and then. Now she trusts in it, therefore she dares to release control and continually go new steps in faith. That's why she dares to fly like a butterfly.
Latest comments